This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
