when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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