I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
