3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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