i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
