(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
