Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
