Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
