your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
