So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
