is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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