We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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