its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
