I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
