I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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