im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
