Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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