Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
