took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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