I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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