She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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