That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
