So drunk its hurt
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
