We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
