Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am available for nakedness
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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