oh god the rape fog is back!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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