i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
True college students do jello shots in the library
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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