Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
