I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
