Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
