So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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