Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
