forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
