that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
