i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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