Just mADE A PArabola og urine
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
