My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
