I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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