$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
