After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
