Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
