Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
