The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
