I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
