$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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