I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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