Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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