If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
