I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
