Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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