Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
