Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
