I think I just saw someone hide a body.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
