i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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