So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
