what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
