Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
